“I’m unapologetic not because I’m strong-willed or overconfident, I’m unapologetic because this is it; this is my life. There is nothing I can do, no one I can please. I am a person with a strong sense of being, that’s all.” ~ Jean Seberg
2018 was not kind to me. That seemed to be the consensus among a lot of women that I had encountered. Whether it was the political state of affairs, personal matters or the damn weather, 2018 had just put a damper on things. I have done more adulting in one year than ever. I have been faced with more life altering decisions that I would like to admit, I have had to close the door on chapters of my life that I never thought I would, say goodbye to people I never wanted to say goodbye to and keep my mouth shut when all I wanted to do was scream my way through. However, throughout 2018 the one takeaway that I had was my amazing sense of self. There have been many times of self doubt but in the end I am me. Tough, strong, honest, persistent, bold, and most importantly unapologetic.
Tough, strong, honest, persistent, bold, and most importantly unapologetic.
The year started off with my very slow recovery from a car accident that occurred on New Year’s Eve 2017. I was rear ended by a drunk driver who fled the scene. However, thanks to my love of movie watching my instincts served me well and I was able to get the license plate number, the make and the model of the vehicle. My son was in the car with me and has not shown signs of injury other than the memories of me screaming the license plate number repeatedly and the sound of metal smashing into metal that you can never quite forget. As a result of the car accident I suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) that I still struggle with daily. Your brain is amazing when it works, but having to relearn the smallest things was frustrating and continues to be a very long process.
In addition to recovering from a TBI, I have been struggling through a very heartbreaking divorce. Divorce is hard enough, couple that with addiction and having children in the mix it is down right unmanageable at times. My soon to be ex- husband struggles with alcoholism (which is a beast to deal with on it’s own) and we lack the ability to effectively communicate. It creates a lot of unnecessary heartache and ciaos. I am constantly worried about my children and strive to offer a positive and warm environment for them to grow and thrive in while making sure I remain whole. It has proven to be a very tough feat.
One does not realize how fragile one’s life is until there is no life left to live.
I have never experienced a death so close to me before. I have seen grief but I didn’t quite understand the pain you could feel from the absence of someone in your life. Sure you see it on TV, read about it in books, but to feel it first hand is completely stunting. My friend, my sister, my fellow mom- she had the best advice, the quickest wit, and the biggest heart. No matter what was going on in her life, she was always there for me-until she wasn’t. Her death makes me question my own mortality and the mortality of the ones closest to me. It is such a strange concept that time continues when all you want it do to is stop. Here I am still breathing, moving, eating and she isn’t. I still go to text her, tell her something about my day and I forget for a split second that she is not here.
I would like to say I found myself over this past year but I hate hearing that phrase “found myself” as if I was lost. Here I am, I never left. I have the same views, like the same things, able to make friends, laugh loudly, dance whenever and wherever the music takes me, but things are different. I am different.-Unapologetic
The difference between 2017 and now 2019 is experience. That experience taught me:
- Other people’s opinion is not my reality
- I am my strongest when I least expect it
- True friends became my family
- I let go of what I could not control
- Everyone is fighting a silent battle at some point, even if they do not realize it
- SLEEP is so IMPORTANT for your health
- Anything can happen, anything is possible
- Life is happening now. The good, the bad, the uncontrollable
- My life is only as good as my mindset
- Take all the pictures, most importantly BE in all the pictures
- Everyone grieves differently, it is OK to belly laugh when I am in mourning, be kind to myself- always
- Sometimes love is not enough
2019 is looking a lot different for me. Optimism is key. There are bound to be obstacles, haters, and mishaps but this year and the coming years I am ready. I am setting my intention to stay true to myself and offer only my best self ( with some occasional “oh shit” days) . –Unapologetic
I started this site to Engage. Enlighten, Empower and Encourage women, while there was a definite stall in my plans I have some amazing things in store for 2019!! I will be offering some insight on a very important issue that is close to my heart- my children’s education. The Virtual Book Club will be starting back up in the spring. I will be diving into the world of politics. Tackling finances for the modern woman. Reviewing must see TV and first- rate films, introducing some fun podcasts this summer and much much more!
So gear up ladies and share share share! We have a lot of topics to tackle and a lot of waves to make! Here is to a very amazing 2019!!!
” It is not what happens to you that matters, but what you do about it that makes the difference.”